DiscCard Rules

DiscCard being a game of immense stupidity, invented several years ago by two cousins who sadly were not under the influence of anything even remotely intoxicating and who really should have known better and played Bob's Rummy, or something.

Any similarities between any sections of this game, or any words used above or below, and anything written by Terry Pratchett, is and always has been entirely deliberate and we apologise profusely for any annoyance caused. And we don't have any money so please don't sue us.

If you want a nicely printable version of these rules, there is a PDF version available - disccard-rules.pdf

You'll need Adobe's Acrobat Reader, which if you don't have already is a free download from Adobe. Well, it's a free download from Adobe even if you do already have it. It's a few mega bytes though, if that's a concern. Click the link below

www.adobe.co.uk/products/acrobat/

Anyway, this game then...

Object: To win.

(This is done by collecting Rincewind and all of the remaining 7 [seven] spells of the Octavo, in the same colour, i.e. red OR black.)

Cards:

Basically, then, you need two standard packs of cards, each with two jokers and each containing one further distinguishable card (even a blank is fine)

Play:

Deal 9 cards to each player - 9 being the Rimfall, where everything stops. Place the remaining cards, face down, in a stack in the centre of the table. This pile is the Ramtops. Take the top two cards from the Ramtops and place them beside the pile, face up. This is where the discards are put and as such contains all the dross that no one wants, so it is (obviously enough) called The Shades.

On your go:

Any Wars, Pestilences or Famines can be paired with any Cohens or Hruns and put down on the playing table in front of you (face up). These pairs will be referred to as WPF/CH pairs from now on.

Any of the Twoflower cards can be placed on the table, also in front of you and also face up.

Any DEATHS can be placed on the table, likewise, so long as Twoflower cards are present (in your space) in equal or greater numbers.

All cards placed on the table by any of the above methods are replaced by cards taken from the Ramtops, or The Shades, or both, in equal or unequal proportion. Any further WPF/CH pairs, Twoflowers and DEATHS thus acquired can also be put down, and further replacements taken, etc.

Once you've put down all the pairs, etc., that you can / wish to, you pick up.

Picking up:

You may pick up up to 5 (five) cards (all at once - i.e. you only get one pick-up per turn). This is separate to the pair etc. replacement. If 1 or 2 cards are picked up, they are picked up before a discard is made. If 3,4 or 5 cards are picked up, then an equal number of cards must be removed from your hand and placed face up on the table (but not yet on The Shades) before you pick up. At the end of your go, all discards are placed on top of The Shades, face up, in whichever order the player sees fit. Note that "end of your go" means the last thing that happens before the next player picks up, or you start scoring because you have won or someone is dead.

Once again, further pairs etc. can be placed in front of you and yet more replacements taken. When all pairs are down and replacements taken, you can actually get on and play... If you possess, in your hand (as opposed to on the table in front of you) 3 DEATHS, or any 3 different of DEATH, War, Pestilence and Famine in the same suit (e.g., DEATH, War and Famine; but NOT, say, 2 Wars and a Pestilence), then you are dead and MUST own up to being so IMMEDIATELY. The game ends here and the scores are counted. FAILURE TO ADMIT TO BEING DEAD, FOR WHATEVER REASON*2 WILL RESULT IN A SCORE OF -1000 (minus one thousand) FOR YOURSELF AND LOSS OF PRIVILEDGES*3 .

Likewise, if at any time you possess both Rincewinds, you must return one of them to the Ramtops IMMEDIATELY, such that it is at a random point but more than 10 cards below the top of the pile, whenever this is possible. You must show the other players that it is indeed a Rincewind you are secreting into the Ramtops. A replacement is then drawn (you can get the Picture Demon to paint it if you can't draw) from either pile. If this means you acquire another WPF/CH pair, etc., I think you know what to do with it.

If you possess 3 spells of the same number AND colour, you can 'zap' them at the player of your choice and take possession of one of their WPF/CH pairs (only - no Twoflower cards). The three spells thus used are then placed at the BOTTOM of The Shades and three replacements taken from the Ramtops or The Shades, with, as ever, any WPF/CH pairs, Twoflower cards and DEATHS being put down in accordance with the above stated rules, and yet more replacements taken, etc., etc., etc. You know this by now.

If you possess 4 (FOUR) spells of the same number and colour, you can 'zapp' them at the player of your choice (brothers make excellent targets; especially younger ones). This allows you to look at their hand of cards (only you, mind, no showing them to anyone else) and exchange up to five of their cards with an equal number of your own*4 .

In order to do 'zapp' someone:

Firstly the four spells are placed face up on the table by the 'zapp'er, who then takes four replacement cards as per usual, with any pairs etc. being put down and further replacements taken, etc.

THEN, and only then, does the actual 'zapp'ing occur and the card exchange start. If the 'zapp'er should possess one half of a WPF/CH pair (e.g. a Famine), and the 'zapp'ee possess another half (e.g. a barbarian), then the 'zapp'er can, should they so choose*6 , claim the pair and put it down as their own, whereupon both parties pick up replacements (the 'zapp'ee picks up first). Further pairs may obviously follow; when no more do, the 'zapp'er actually proceeds and exchanges cards.

When all this is over, the four spells responsible for all the disruption are placed at the bottom of The Shades, which really sods up the game for anyone collecting in that colour.

Once you have collected all seven spells (in one colour, naturally) and a Rincewind, you have won. As soon as you declare this, the game stops and the scores are counted.

Scoring: Everyone does this.

If you die: Score -100 (minus one hundred). This is a blanket score, regardless of whatever other cards you may have in your hand. Stop scoring now.

Assuming you're not dead, the other scores are as follows:

Any WPF/CH pairs being held within a player's hand at the end of the game, as opposed to those which have been put down previously, are NOT counted as pairs but merely as individual Horsemen and individual Barbarians. Similarly, Twoflower cards held in the hand count for nothing. In other words, if you don't put down your WPF/CH pairs and your Twoflower cards as soon as you get them, you're stupid and you don't deserve to win.

Granted, the scoring system does mean you can "win" and still be outscored by several hundred points. Keep playing rounds until someone reaches a suitably ludicrous score. Or until your head hurts and you decide you need a drink. Or figure something out for yourself. For goodness sake, we invented an entire card game and its scoring system in about half an hour, what, you need someone to hold your hand and tell you when to stop playing it? Mornington Crescent.

Oh, also please note we've never tried playing this game with more than two people. It should work with three and possibly four, maybe even more, but bear in mind five people will use 45 cards simply on the deal, could then (mathematically) get through another 40 simply putting down pairs, thus leaving a mere 25 cards in the Ramtops which they might then get through in just one go each. That said, if you can ever persuade four other people to join in a game of DiscCard, I'd be well impressed.

Footnotes:

1. Smelling faintly of Lavender
2. E.g. Inability to talk, loss or vital organs and/or appendages, etc.
3. Breathing, for example.
4. In some games this would be called cheating. Here, however, it is a perfectly legal way of annoying members of your family*5. Or even killing them, in the context of this game at least.
5. Especially, as has already been hinted at, younger brothers.
6. And they'd be stupid not to, frankly.
7. But not in the same suit, obviously, as this would render you dead. And given we've stopped playing at this point, you would be dead without admitting to it and would thus score -1000 points.